Bush hands over control of Customs Services to Columbian Drug Lords
The White House released a press statement denouncing criticism of the move stating that, "For years Columbian Drug Cartels have thought of every ingenious way to smuggle Cocaine into the USA, it is only logical that they should now be appointed to run Customs and Excise operations in the USA and help in the War on Terror".
At a Town Hall meeting in Omaha, Nebraska, President Bush outlined more plans to combat terrorism.To a packed audience of brain dead Bush bots, the president laid out far reaching plans to overhaul many of the countries top agencies." Ever since 911, America has been under attack from people who hate our freedoms," Bush stated, " And since 911, I have protected the American people, so in order to prevent another 911, I have decided to invite some of the most qualified people in the world to participate in an overhaul of many government agencies. Starting next month, I have transferred border control to the Mexican Government, Race Relations will now be handled by the Ku Klux Klan, the CIA, FBI and NSA will now be run by China, the TSA will come under the control of Saudi Arabia and Aviation Security will be operated by the Taleban.The American people know that the world has changed since 911 and we must change how we operate in this New World Order". When asked if he was planning to hand over branches of the US government, including the Supreme Court, to corporate interests, Bush simply stated, " I have 4 words for you, Bush vrs Gore".
The Bush Administration has been bogged down in a number of scandals lately and Democrat oponents accused the administration of "selling out the American people", except for John Kerry, who applauded Bush for having the courage to do things differently. Kerry, a former presidential challenger, stated" I think we Americans have to praise President Bush for his courage in facing issues that Americans don`t want to face. The reality is that since 911, we live in a different world, I will be proposing an amendment to the Constitution that forces all Americans to get plastic surgery so they too must look like a horse. For too long, discrimination against people who look like horses has been a major social problem in America and the War on Terror is nothing more than a distraction from this vital issue that does nothing to protect the liberties and freedoms of peace loving people around the world".
In a heated press conference the White House Press Corps, led by NBC`s David Gregory, continued to press White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan on serious issues that effect the American people. Gregory hammered relentlessly on what is now being called "whitestripgate", flustering McClellan with a barrage of hard-hitting questions as he demanded answers as to whether George Bush uses Crest Whitestrips or Colgate Whitening Toothpaste.
World leaders expressed their suprise at George Bush`s move. In a heated Prime Minister`s question time, Tony Blair defended the administration`s move, indicating that the British government would soon follow the US`s lead. " The War on Terror is very scary" Blair stated "And everyone should be very afraid, in fact, noone should be able to sleep at night it is so scary. The British Government too will be turning control of Aviation security over to newly elected Hamas, to show them that we want to be their friends and allies". Jacques Chirac, the French leader was supposed to make a statement, but it turns out that France was closed for the day, as it was sunny.
George Bush has built his 6 year administration by scaring the crap out of Americans. However in recent weeks, numerous tapes from wanted terrorist Osama Bin Laden, had failed to increase the fear level in the USA. In a desperate attempt to reintroduce the fact that Americans should be very very scared, George Bush invented a story about foiling a terror plot on LA, revolving around flying monkeys carrying suitcase nukes.When that failed, Vice-President Dick Cheney showed the American people how scared he is, by resorting to shooting a man in the face, desperate measures for sure, but it keeps his mind off the serious threat to America from a man living in a cave, Osama Bin Flinstone, who admittedly doesn`t have the ability to email his recorded threats, but instead uses a thing called "videotape", which is transported via donkey to Al Jazeera. Donkeys are the latest group to side with Al Qaeda in the ongoing war on Terror. In a statement, press secretary Scott McClellan warned Americans that donkeys hate America for its freedoms, and the Bush administration has warned Americans to be on the look out for suicide donkey bombers, or any donkeys that are behaving suspiciously on flights or in public places. Cynics are arguing that this latest announcement is just another ploy to reintroduce xenophobic, jingoistic fear amongst the American public, to prevent them from actually looking at the big picture of corruption and dishonesty that is indemic in Bush`s administration.
In the last couple of days, George Bush has also announced a transfer of control of 6 major US ports to the United Arab Emirates. Whilst denying the possibility of any security threat, the Bush administration has conveniently ignored the fact that the world`s tallest building in in Dubai, and was built by the Bin Laden Construction Group - Bin Laden's Stature To Rise With World's Tallest Building. When asked to give an initial statement on this breaking news, George Bush stated "do not question ma authoritay", and fell off his tricycle.
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